Are Your Family Whatsapp Groups Eating Away At Your Soul?
It's good to be in touch with people, sometimes even people you barely know... but how much is too much?
There was an extended family Whatsapp group I left, of the second cousins, on my Mom's Mom's side (my mother's mother's siblings' kids). A group of people from all over the globe.
The 1st time round, I was added into it without me being asked about it. Red flag, if you live consciously, in terms of boundaries. Also though, a possibly loving act to champion, as far as the love component is concerned (if the initial person did it out of love and not loneliness - disclaimer: I'm well versed in these matters and I do understand that sometimes things enmesh together as with all of life and that too many boundaries do make things overly clinical, but still, it's worth mentioning).
The first few months, I realised that some people in this group including the person who added me in were taking jabs at me sarcastically. Now, I do understand that older generations on Earth were conditioned by the Industrial Revolution, and are generally not as kind and loving as younger generations as we Spiritually Awaken on Earth etc. I'm well aware of this and teach in these matters. My point being someone might say... "Well what do you expect? That's that generation's humour level and they're all rough and tumble and not as evolved." So... keeping that in mind, I did try to engage in their humour for a bit. For months, to be precise, even while I was trying to start a life overseas, away from my wife and daughter (trying to build for us), juggling multiple clients and offers, having a lack of sleep, cooking and cleaning on my own in a big bungalow (managed to rent one in Richmond, Vancouver, Canada), and leaking 2k a month in Singapore Dollars to live there.
Upon reflection, what did I get out of the time and energy spent humouring their unevolved humour? Not much... not much. Still I continued, on the pretext that "this is family, if we don't love and honour our own family who will?"
Then this happened.
There was a little too much sarcasm going on late last year, and it seemed to be less sarcasm, and more the ramblings of a man in that group who was unhappy with life. Upon reflection I realise most of the adults in that group had chosen to "be the bigger person" and let him lash out at anything and everything in his anger, and tolerate it, and allow their energy to be tied to that group. I mean... they couldn't ALL be that unevolved or unhealed right (in the sense actually enjoying that style of sad and painful humour)? Unlikely... given that some of them are in healing professions.
One of my first cousins who I had invited to the group long back, left right after I created a post of my work, and there was more sarcasm from said group admin (unless you have the brain of a teaspoon you'll figure out why she left upon having read till here - hint: she's on a self-development path too). I did right after, and I actually claimed it was for my Burnout Recovery (which it was... partially, or wholly, whichever way you want to look at it, but also because this was very unsavoury conversation, and not sound for my peace of mind, or my growth, energetically).
This new year (the time of writing this is January 3rd 2025), I'm not sure if the man was feeling love, or loneliness (honestly it can be either this time of year or maybe even both), and he added me back to the group without asking me. Sure... it can be "from a place of love", but hey, I'm human too.
My needs need to be met too, and currently, I didn't want back into that group, not since there was no apology or anything of the sort the last time I left because of his low-key insulting and jabs (Friendly? Who knows?!?!? They seem to derive power from making people go in circles and guess their intentions.) (Sure, maybe he didn't know he needed to apologise because I didn't state the actual reason I was leaving the group... but leaving or not leaving, the fact that he acted that way and didn't apologise is disgusting enough.) (And no, neither do I want to be around people with such low self-awareness that they don't realise an apology is in order after unfair behaviour on their part, and no, I do not wish to be around people who do realise it but haven't mustered up the courage to say sorry. But Zephyr haven't you realised that they're obviously coming from a very unevolved place probably because of their own lives and upbringing? Sure, they need healing and are wounded. Go get the healing then. I'm not your Counsellor unless you pay me and I'm not your Mom/Dad. I do my fair share (maybe more) of charity in various ways to various people and organisations and I cannot over-burden myself in your psychotic games).
Since my birthday last October, I've been taking steps for my own radical self-care (more than what I already teach my clients), and I'm on the path to a VERY simplified business and life, and I've been there before and it's pure bliss and peace. As such, one of my personal policies and affirmations (you can use it for your affirmations), is:
You have to ask before you partake in my energy. It's not your birthright to have my energy pour into you. This stuff is expensive. And golden. ;) - Zephyr Khambatta
I mentioned this to everyone concerned in the following way, and this is what happened. He actually said "One has the liberty to add back... unless Whatsapp takes it away..." Technically that's true. And logically and relationship-wise that's stupid. LOL. These devices have really bad effects on our health (so why would you want a person you claim to like to spend more time on them) AND, that's not the way true loving relationships with mutual respect work. Or has no-one taught you that? Upon reflection, on this entire generation, no one's probably taught them that. So it's not their fault, technically, and in general as spiritual and loving beings we don't talk about "fault". In the Universe though, and in Metaphysics, what we DO have, are Actions and Consequences.
You can add me back without asking and then act like a rude, blithering, idiot when confronted. That's the Action. The Consequence of that? You destroying a possible relationship... further.
By the way, "Your Move" is a line that one of my coaches who helped me with Burnout, uses on her social posts to end. I was totally channelling her on this one! To get 25% off on her Burnout Buster class (click this link to check it out), use the Offer Code "ZEPHYR" on checkout.
In line with my Self-Care since my birthday last October, I'm taking radical steps to form proper boundaries around me, something which an entire generation of people has missed out on, thanks to how we were conditioned. It's no wonder mental health problems are on the rise. Here's an example of how you set boundaries.
I had to temper my temper (lol), in this response, touch on deep topics briefly, hold ground for myself, and also touch on his behaviour without being rude or mean. I then left the group, and if he or any other admin ACTUALLY wants me in there, ALL OF ME, not just "Oh I have this person in my group..." (Yes, many people want that, get in line. Not saying that out of arrogance but of pure fact. As healers, we raise our vibrations daily, and high vibrations are yummy. To anyone. Straight facts, which I once read somewhere, and they've turned out to be true.), and wants to benefit from my warm, nurturing energy, he'll have to ask, politely, kindly, with sincere intentions. I am not a toy.
I did reflect (as a Counsellor and Life Coach it's my job to and I'm passionate about it), that "Hey, this guy obviously could use some help in his life, and maybe he just doesn't understand other people or the new higher standards in relationships many of us are aspiring to. Maybe even he's wondering like "What's going on, why isn't this human being responding like a human? (like humans he's used to hanging around, not all of humanity)" I totally get that, and empathise with it. However, I cannot force that knowledge onto him, or even force his hand in his journey. That's HIS journey. He has my number if he wants to reach out, and understand, that there's a WHOLE WORLD existing beyond his current beliefs.
I wish him well in his journey, and have zero malice or ill-will against him, or any human, for that matter.
You're not a toy either, by the way, so remember to exercise Self-Care and Boundaries in your life.
There's a saying.
Blood makes you related. Loyalty makes you family.
Be brave, and stand up for yourself. Often, no one else will.
Love,
Zephyr
* This article / post was not written by A.I. in any way. I do not use A.I. for the writing on most of these Blog articles except on the rare occasion.
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